To the tune of "Harper Valley PTA"

(an audio version of this song is available on the JB&B Members Page. Club registration required)

I wanna tell you all a story bout
A pair of presidential candidates
The vote went 50-50
This election in the Sunshine State
And though they counted and they counted
It just kept goin' on day after day
And can't nobody figger out what's goin' on
Down there in FLA

They told ol' Katherine Harris
This 'lection is still too close to call
We got this ballot down in Palm Beach that
The geezers couuldn't figger out at all
And this ain't no time to certify
A candidate for president today
And it was signed by the highest court
Down in the state of FLA

Well it happened that the final count
Was due to be turned in that afternoon
And they were sure surprised when Katherine Harris
Wore her mini skirt into the room
And as she walked up to the microphone
I still recall the words she had to say
She said "I'd like to address the media
About the vote in FLA"

Cause it's 5 o'clock on Sunday--
Every county is required to report
I'm here to certify the final numbers
Just like i was ordered by the court
And with all the counties counted
I am very pleased that i can finally say:
Governor Bush has won the 'lectoral vote
Here in the state of FLA

Well there's William Daley sittin' there
He says we oughtta count the votes again
And every 15 minutes there's ol'
Robert Wexler mouthin' off on CNN
And you all have the nerve to tell me
My face looks like a worn out catcher's mitt
Well this is just a little Peyton Place
and y'all are all just a bucha Demo-crytes

But that didn't put a stop to things
It turned out it was just another day
Another nerve-wrackin' chapter of
the Harper Valley FLA
Another nerve-wrackin' chapter of
the Harper Valley FLA