Here's what men say about themselves in their personal ads -- and what it really means

40-ish: 52 and looking for 25-yr-old

50-ish: 65, but dyes his hair

Athletic: Never misses "ESPN Sportscenter"

Well-read: Also has a subscription to "ESPN Magazine"

Ambitious: Constantly dreams of getting two women in bed at the same time.

Average-looking: Bald

Educated: Will always treat you like an idiot

Free Spirit: If you start going out with him...he will eventually try to sleep with your sister

Friendship first: As long as friendship involves nudity

Fun: Big drinker

Gentle: Still lives with his mother.

Good looking: Arrogant

Gourmet cook: Can work the can opener and the microwave

Honest: Pathological Liar

Huggable: Fat guy with tons of body hair.

Like to cuddle: Insecure, overly dependent -- possibly gay

Loves candlelight dinners: Doesn't pay his electric bill

Poet: Has written on a bathroom stall

Spiritual: Goes to church with his grandmother on Easter Sunday

Stable: Occasional stalker -- never arrested

Thoughtful: Says "Please" when demanding a beer

Adventurous: Peeping Tom at the neighborhood apartment complex.

Committed: Currently institutionalized...but due to get out soon.

Secure: In prison.

New on the dating scene: Just out of prison.

Well-traveled: Sees his picture on America's Most Wanted and moves on to the next town.