The real meaning behind the abbreviations in womnen's personal ads

40-ish: 48

Adventurer: Has had more partners than you ever will

Athletic: Flat-chested

Average looking: Ugly

Beautiful: Pathological liar

Contagious Smile: Bring your penicillin

Educated: College dropout

Emotionally Secure: Medicated

Feminist: Fat; ball buster

Free spirit: Substance user

Friendship first: Trying to live down reputation as slut

Fun: Annoying

Gentle: Comatose

Good Listener: Borderline Autistic

New-Age: All body hair, all the time

Old-fashioned: Lights out, missionary position only

Open-minded: Desperate

Outgoing: Loud

Passionate: Loud

Poet: Depressive Schzophrenic

Professional: Real B*tch

Redhead: Shops the Clairol section

Reubenesque: Grossly Fat

Romantic: Looks better by candle light

Voluptuous: Very Fat

Weight proportional to height: Hugely Fat

Wants Soulmate: One step away from stalking

Widow: Nagged first husband to death

Young at heart: Toothless crone