10. Thinking about trading Acura NSX for Dodge minivan with 13-inch tv and VCR while on the way to the flea market

9. Having a torrid affair with an older, more demanding woman

8. Consults plastic surgeon about having his bald spot enlarged

7. Gettng rid of his Harley to make room for shuffleboard court

6. Constantly hanging out at "Bed Bath & Beyond."

5. Complains to wife he's not getting enough after school carpool duty

4. Blows off poker night to catch Meredeth Baxter-Birney festival on "Lifetime."

3. Turning 50's diner replica in his basement into a sewing room

2. Actually understands the difference between white shoes and bone shoes

and the Number One sign Randy's got his midlife crisis backwards...

Keeps asking "do these pants make me look fat?"