Submitted by The Prowler

With another Winston Cup season over, fans of the sport are experiencing various levels of withdraw symptoms, ranging from irritating to life threatening. Below is a twenty question test to help you determine whether it's time to seek professional help. If you fail, you may be wasted, and like they say, a waste is a terrible thing to mind.

1) Your reaction to the last weeknight edition of RPM Tonight for 2000 was

A) Remembering to reprogram your VCR
B) Thinking it was sad Benny Parsons won't be back next year.
C) Uncontrollable weeping.

2) Thanksgiving is.

A) A time to gather with your family and give thanks for all your blessings.
B) November 23rd
C) 87 hellish days before Daytona.

3) The best part of Holiday shopping is

A) You can now do it all on line and avoid the lines.
B) A wonderful time to brave crowded malls looking for that perfect gift
C) Looking for just the right diecast for mom at the local NASCAR Thunder Store

4) The fact FOX will broadcast the first race of 2001, the Daytona 500, is

A) Interesting because you want to see what sort of job they do.
B) Troubling
C) The end of the world as we know it.

5) You wake up one morning and there's 10 inches of new snow on the ground so you

A) Leap out of bed, get geared up, call in sick and go ride the snowmobile
B) Curse under your breath, roll over and get another half hour's sleep figuring you've got an excuse to be late for work
C) Grab a shovel and head to Daytona just to make sure the track is clear of snow so there's no delay to the new season.

6) The most interesting part of the 2001 season is

A) How the new Dodges will do.
B) Whether Earnhardt can launch another challenge for an 8th title.
C) Whether the nice doctors will agree to reduce your medication in time to see the pre-race show and untie those sleeves behind your back in Rubber Romper Room.

7) Your best friend sets up a little HO scale model Daytona track and invites you and your other friends over to pass the time during the off season and you

A) Insist on racing the 3 car.
B) Get into a fist fight and stop being friends because you accuse someone of running a magnesium intake manifold when he beats you.
C) Pay Benny Parsons $25,000 dollars to come over and call the races.

8) The worst part of a Sunday afternoon without a stock car race is

A) No more excuses to start drinking beer at 1:00
B) The NFL
C) The bloody strake marks down your face from where you try to wipe away the tears.

9) The racing season is finally over so you can

A) Get caught up on the household chores
B) Take a flame-thrower to the meadow that used to be the front yard.
C) Try to get another job until February.

10) The best part of the New York Awards Banquet will be

A) Trying to catch a glimpse of Jimmy Buffett
B) Listening to Bobby's speech.
C) When the New York City cops take nightsticks to you to try to get you to stop clutching onto Jeff Gordon's leg.

11) A week without "Random Notes" on SpeedFX is like

A) That first breath of fresh air after escaping from a house fire.
B) A Roy Rogers Roast Beef sandwich without the Horsy Sauce
C) Having burning hot needles forced into your eyes with a vise.

12) During the off season you'll occasionally pop a tape of a race in the VCR because

A) It's a great way to get rid of the in-laws when they've overstayed their welcome.
B) It gives you a nostalgic high remembering how good the races used to be.
C) You're convinced if you watch it enough times your favorite driver will win rather than place second.

13) Last winter the coolest addition to your NASCAR memorabilia collection was

A) The Mark Martin slippers Granny gave you for Christmas
B) A Bobby Allison/Junior Johnson Coca Cola car diecast
C) The restraining order that states you may not come within a "Country Mile" of Dale Junior begging admittance to Club E again.

14) You'll watch the Superbowl because

A) You're a big fan of the NFL
B) The commercials are usually good.
C) You hope to catch a glimpse of some 2001 Winston Cup paint schemes in the commercials, you're dying of curiosity waiting to see if they'll be able to con Dale into driving "The Truck", and that shootout between the girl on the bicycle and Jeff Gordon is your favorite race of all time.

15) For the first week after the racing season ends, your significant other

A) Drops subtle hints about household chores that haven't been done in awhile.
B) Speaks in low soothing tones and keeps sharp objects away from you.
C) Locks you down the basement and throws you an occasional hunk of red meat you're so impossible to deal with.

16) You look forward to the upcoming Bud Shootout and it's silly format with

A) Detached indifference
B) Wry amusement
C) Nail biting anticipation.

17) They start handing out wristbands for drivers autographs at the Winston Cup Preview at 4 AM January 6th though the doors don't open until 8 AM. You

A) Show up at 7:45 AM and hope for the best.
B) You show up at 3:45 AM.
C) You show up at 3:45 AM, December 25th.

18) The next line in the song after "Rudolph the Red-nose Reindeer.." is

A) Had a very, very shiny nose.
B) You'll go down in history.
C) If you don't force the France family to run Daytona two months earlier, the fat guy in the red suit gets it, I mean it, you stupid #$)(&))#$(# rat with antlers, I CAN NOT wait one more day, trust me this thing is loaded and I don't care about those kids in line seeing me blow his brains out, mall security doesn't scare me.

19) Given your choice between now and February

A) We'll finally figure out who's president
B) The Winter won't be too severe
C) I'd hibernate.

20) The worst part of the off season is

A) Limited daylight hours and cool temperatures restrict outdoor activities
B) Winding up so bored on a Sunday afternoon you watch an NBA game.
C) Having to gnaw through the leather restraints binding you in bed every morning.

Scoring:
OK, work with me here. For each question you answered A or failed to answer, give yourself 5 points. For each "B" give yourself 10 points, and for each C 20 points. Add up your score and divide by 20.

If your score is below 5 you are mathematically challenged.

If your score is between 5 and 6 you aren't going to have too bad a time. That hot blood don't burn in your veins.

If your score is between 6 and 18, you are at danger of developing long term mental health problems if you don't receive outpatient treatment between now and February. What you need is something to occupy your time like, well let's see, a 729 page racing novel would do nicely and help pass these boring hours. Check out the link to Eights and Aces below, and if it isn't in the budget right now, print up the description page and leave it laying around someplace conspicuous where a friend or loved one who might buy you a "Scott Pruett- 2000 Winston Cup Rookie of the Year" T-shirt without a little guidance will find it.

If you score is over 18, you need help and quickly. Start calling psychiatrists offices, but seek one familiar with the treatment of Winston Cup withdraw. Ask the nice doctor who drives the 3 car, and if he doesn't know move onto the next listing in the Yellow Pages. Good luck.