10. Ushers ask "Smoking or nonsmoking?"

9. Regular pastoral retreats all seem to be in either Las Vegas or Atlantic City.

8. Church bus has a gun rack

7. Instead of the King James Version, pastor uses a copy of "The Shooter's Bible."

6. There's an ATM machine in the lobby.

5. Worship services are BYOS: Bring Your Own Snake.

4. One of the deacons keeps telling you he's still married to Carmen Electra.

3. Ministry staff consists of Pastor, Assistant Pastor, and Socio-pastor.

2. Women's quartet are all married to the preacher.

...and the Number One sign you've joined the worng church...

No cover...but there is a two-drink minimum.